What is Your Why?
“Try to define yourself not simply by what you do - roles or labels - but by why you do those things.” Maya Shankar
A year and a half ago I stepped down from a senior leadership role at a civil justice nonprofit to start a solo practice. What I didn't anticipate was what I'd lose: community, connection, belonging, even a little bit of a sense of self, of mattering.
Over the past year I've been thinking a lot about what those losses revealed about belonging and purpose and what it means to matter. And I've been lucky: sometimes you find exactly the right voice at exactly the right moment. For me, that voice belonged to Maya Shankar, cognitive scientist, host of the podcast A Slight Change of Plans, and author of The Other Side of Change. I recommend checking out her podcast and digging into the archives.
She speaks about her love of human connection: "I am a person who thrives on emotional connections with others."
I felt like I was looking into a mirror. My blog is called Connection!
This is also my why: a love of people and deep human connection, rooted in genuine curiosity, engagement, and the power of community. I'm energized by learning, having deep conversations that lead to meaningful connections, which lead to helping people feel supported, empowered, and seen. And that gives me, in return, a sense of belonging, of purpose, of mattering. Of community.
Shankar also notes that just because she lost the violin (she was a private student of Itzhak Perlman!), that didn't mean she lost what led her to love it in the first place. It was just a matter of finding new outlets to express these parts of herself.
I've taken that to heart. I've found stimulating and inspiring new outlets, including going back to school at this later stage in life, as I explore academia and empowering younger people, and also inspiring older adults towards lifelong learning to activate a sense of purpose, of belonging, of mattering, as we all navigate significant transitions in life. As an inspiring and innovative program at the Stanford Distinguished Careers Institute shows, intergenerational learning promotes structure, purpose, and community, encourages reflection and connection, and provides an opportunity to contribute meaningfully at any stage in life.
I'm not sure where it will all lead. Perhaps it will inform and affirm my “what” as a teacher, coach, mentor, connector. But it's liberating to stop defining myself by what I do and start living into why I do it.
What is your why?