From Connection to Belonging

On my walk to a wonderfully affirming and welcoming church this morning, my mind went from wandering in many directions to focusing on one thing: the idea of moving from connection to belonging. It’s a one-hour walk, so I had lots of time to process. Some would say too much time.

I started thinking about how I felt after stepping down from an incredible nonprofit organization two years ago, when I turned 60, to start a consultancy. I knew that it was what I needed to do at the time and I was also painfully aware that I missed the people and the relationships. But it didn't occur to me until recently that the gaping hole wasn't simply about connection. It was belonging.

I belonged to an organization, a team, a mission: access to justice, and a deeply shared sense of purpose. We shared passions and frustrations, delights and disappointments, challenges and accomplishments. There was a collective we. I was part of something larger than myself.

And as I walked this morning, I realized that I've spent the past couple of years rebuilding that sense of belonging, much of it without consciously setting out to do so.

There's the progressive church I've been attending over the past year, where I've found joy and meaning, built relationships, and increasingly feel part of a community with a shared sense of purpose. Of belonging. 

There's my very dear family; two brothers, two nieces, and a nephew, and the increased time I'm spending with them. The connection was always there, of course, but there's something about showing up more often and being more present that has deepened my sense of belonging and pride in this little tribe of ours.

There are my dear circles of friends. I've become even more intentional about meeting up, staying connected, and developing deeper bonds. Of belonging. 

And then there's the doctoral program I started just this week. I'm certainly there for the knowledge. Curiosity and learning are among my core values. But if I'm being completely candid, I'm also there, perhaps even primarily, for something else.: To belong.

To be part of a community of people learning together. To share a purpose and a goal. To contribute to one another's growth and have others contribute to mine. To once again experience that collective we.

When I created this site a couple of years ago, I named it Connection because connection was what I found myself thinking and writing about again and again. I've recently wondered whether I should rename it Belonging.

But maybe I don't need to. Perhaps connection is how we get there.

We show up. We reach out. We spend time together. We share experiences. We contribute. And we keep coming back. Somewhere along the way, connection can deepen into something more powerful: Belonging.